Saturday, September 24, 2011

Just Maybe, Part 2

It makes me feel a little better to think that my dad is around me in literal, living form.  When I sat down on my deck to write this, a blue butterfly circled just over my head several times.  It makes me smile even through my tears to think that maybe, just maybe, that was my dad (whose favorite color was blue), swooping in to check on me. 

Not long after he went on ahead, I had to go out of town to a conference for my job.  When I say I was not very focused on the presentations at this conference – that is an understatement.  I was barely hanging on.  If not for the kindness of my coworkers who were also there, I would not have been able to find the hotel, make it to any of the sessions, or figure out at what restaurant to eat during that time.  At one point, I felt another onslaught of tears coming on as one of the sessions ended, and I went outside and sat down by the hotel pool to try to collect myself.  About 60 seconds later, a little bluebird landed near my chair on the concrete and hopped over to within a few feet of where I sat.  “I’m trying, Dad,” I said.  The bird looked at me and just sat there peacefully for a couple of minutes more and then flew off into the sky. 

If it is him, if he can see us, I know for sure that he is happiest when we are happy and that he likes it best when we are together as a family.  When we were on our family trip to Destin this summer, I kept thinking that if Dad was around in spirit or other form, he would have been glad that he could check in on all of us, his children, our spouses, his grandchildren, and my mom, all at once.  Dad loved being efficient! 

Who knows for certain how things work after people go on ahead?  All I know for sure it that it makes me feel a little better to feel a connection with my dad, and thinking that he can see or hear me is one thing that gives some peace to me.  So when I see a squirrel stop and stare at me when I’m running or when a beautiful bird or butterfly floats by me, I will be thinking …

… maybe, just maybe, he’s just checking …

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