What I Miss the Most, Today

I recently signed up for an online class that looks at dealing with grief through writing.  This week's assignment is to write about what we miss the most about the person for whom we are grieving.  This is my entry, which is kind of a follow-up to the original What I Miss The Most post from last October ...


I guess the thing I miss the most about my dad is his enthusiasm.  He was without a doubt the most gung-ho (he loved that term) person I've ever known, always motivated and always looking at the glass as half full, and his contagious energy was something that affected everyone in his presence.  That ties into what I have come to realize was the best thing he left to those of us who were lucky enough to have known him: his perspective.  During my life, I observed him so many times in the role of the life of the party, a great conversationalist, and a friend to so many; I always thought he was so popular because he was so much fun to be around.  But after he went on ahead I realized from things that people (some of whom I didn't know even though they knew my dad) told us that it was actually his kindness and his positivity that attracted so many people to him, and I saw how far reaching his genuineness and his perspective truly were.  

     What I wear on my wrist every day to remind myself to try to be positive,
just like my dad 

I am trying hard to emulate that benevolence in my daily life these days, but, in the midst of my grief, I am finding it to be very hard to do so.  I miss my dad and his zeal for life so much that it often makes me angry and/or sad; I know that's just part of the grief process, but it makes me feel like I am not honoring him or carrying on in his footsteps when I can't be as excited and cheerful as he always was.